No More Excuses...

I had an eye opening encounter at the gym today that I would like to share with you. I arrived at the gym a little later then I had planned.  If you know me, this is no surprise as I have a tendency to be a late person. I did an abbreviated workout as I needed to get home quickly and get ready for work.  I jumped off the elliptical and ran to the locker room to throw on my boots and head out. On a side note...grabbing your boots on April 12th is a bit annoying even for a winter lover, like myself.  As I entered the locker room, I noticed a woman, in her late 40's sitting on the bench.  She was significantly overweight and appeared to be stretching out her legs.  We made eye contact and I turned to my locker to grab my keys.  As I was taking off my shoes, the woman looked directly at me and said, " may I ask you something."  In my head, I was slightly annoyed because I was in a rush, but of course I did not want to appear rude so I gave an indication for her to proceed with her question.  She asked me how long I had gone to highland fitness.  I kind of chuckled and explained that I had been a member for years...but actually attending was another issue all together.  But I did tell her that recently I had been coming quite frequently.  She then asked if my knees bothered me.  At first, I was a bit surprised by the question. I wondered why she asked ME that.  You see, I forget sometimes that I am fat. I know that seems implausible, but I do not think about it that often--especially in the sense of having physical limitations because of my size.  My knees don't hurt; I don't lack energy, etc.  But, I imagine, because I am significantly overweight, she felt comfortable asking me this question, I responded that luckily my knees were not an issue for me and then she proceeded to tell me how hers were really hurting and she was not sure what to do about exercise. Of course, believing that I am the expert in all things, I gave her advice on what machines might be more or less painful and I encouraged her to talk to one of the trainers.  At this time another women, in her 60's, came in and was listening to our conversation.  She joined in and reported that she had had a knee replacement and so she shared her tales of pain and strengthening the muscles around her knees and what trainer she used.  I sat there listening to these two women share knee horror stories and I suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment come over me.  These women were at the gym; working on their health in spite of physical ailments.  At first, I thought good for them.  But then I started to think about myself and I began to feel a little ashamed in a way.  Why? you might ask.  I go the gym and I have a great workout.  I set a goal to burn "x" amount of calories and I blast my music in my ears, jump on the machines and do my thing.  And it is EASY. I do not feel any pain. I do not have any limitations.  I do not even care when I start dancing on the treadmill and I look ridiculous.  I get lost in my own little Marybeth world where the sun is always shining and birds are always singing and life is good. Then I report later in the day that I had a good work out. HA. I had an easy workout.  Yes I sweat and get my heart rate up and I burn lots of calories and I am losing weight...but it is still easy and I enjoy it. These women are working through pain and fighting back tears.  They are struggling to get healthy.  It seems to me I cannot really say I struggle with my battle with weight loss.  Hell let's be real...I don't struggle with anything.  So yes I feel embarrassed and ashamed that I get to walk through this world unscathed.  Things have always come easy for me.  And this is through no doing of my own.  Blessings from God or having amazing parents...whatever it is...I have no idea what struggle is.  So I have NO EXCUSE for being unhealthy. I am actually a little disgusted with myself.  I did not eat because I have emotional issues and I did not have physical ailments that kept me from working out.  I ate lots of sugar because it tasted good and I rarely went to the gym because I am lazy and didn't feel like going.  It is that simple. I chose to be unhealthy. That is my revelation.  In the past, I have made a conscious decision to be unhealthy. I mean, I did not wake up one day and say I am just going to keep eating until I am morbidly obese. Winner winner chicken dinner...you did it girl!  lol  But I am a smart girl.  I know what causes people to gain weight and I chose to engage in those behaviors anyway.  Odd choice right?  duhhhh Marybeth.

The good news is, I have changed and my choice is to become healthy. So to all of those women and men who struggle with emotional or physical issues that hinder their weight loss, I wish you well and I admire your desire to work through your struggles.   In honor of you, I will NEVER make an excuse again. For me, there is no excuse... 

Wait...Did Someone Say Cake?

I was doing very well on my weight loss goal. I had lost 38 lbs in 4 months without much effort but in the past 6 weeks I have gained about 7 back. I am perplexed as to how I can be very health driven for 4 months and then suddenly revert back to bad behavior. Ok, let me rephrase...bad behavior would be cheating on my taxes or maybe going on a killing spree. So gaining weight not "bad" per se. Bad might keep me out of heaven... gaining weight won't keep me out unless I cannot physically fit through the "pearly gates" lol. I'll say I reverted back to unhealthy behaviors. They say (ahhhh who are THEY?)...they say 21 days forms a habit. So after 120 days what the heck happened to my newly acquired habit? Apparently the desire for delicious calorie laden food can override habit formation. Why don't "THEY" tell ya that? So I set a plan to get back on track a few days ago. So far I have been making healthier choices. But between you and I (hello is anyone out there) I don't like it one bit! Yes I can live longer and yeeesssss my body will thank me for it. But it's just no fun. I am starting to understand why I did not form a habit in 120 days...my brain never really accepted it as a change. It is like I was playing the role of a healthy person but I did not actually become one. Maybe I never will. So my new plan is to play the role for another 120 days and lose another 40 lbs in the process. I did it once...a second time piece of cake. I got this... Wait....did someone say cake? :)

Here Is Something You Don't Hear Everyday...I Had a Hair Transplant...

So what's wrong with this picture? You might say it's nice.  The color of the sweater shows off the color of my eyes.  Maybe you think I have a nice smile.  Possibly, those things are all true.  However, when I look at this picture I can see only one thing...my thinning hair.  To some that may sound silly.  It is not like I am kojak or bruce willis...I can mask the thinning hair fairly well.  But for me, living with thinning hair has been less then pleasant.  Granted I do not think of it non-stop every day...however there are times I feel as if that is all people see when they look at me. This is a fact I do not like to admit. One would think I would be insecure about being overweight...NOPE!  It's all about the hair.

For years I have contemplated having a hair transplant.  For years, I have found reasons not to have one.  I felt it was vain.  It is ridiculously expensive.  There is a high chance of shock loss (where the rest of your hair falls out for a few months...more on that later).  And quite frankly, I was just chicken.  If I had the procedure, I would be forced to tell people and while I am losing hair through no fault of my own...it is still something that is embarrassing.  Research indicates that 40% of women show signs of thinning hair by the age of 40.  This might be true, but I do not know anyone my age who has thinning hair--or maybe they just do not talk about and/or hide it well.  A recent article in Marie Clair magazine said 24% of all women with thinning hair equate it as the same trauma as losing a limb.  After reading that article, I felt a little more sane...while it hinders my self esteem, I definitely do NOT think thinning hair is a bad as losing a leg!  Come on people. Get a grip.  I can always wear a hat or scarf....how do you hide a missing leg? All joking aside, thinning hair is nothing like losing a limb. People who have lost a limb and overcome that are amazing people. Thinning hair does not impede my ability to function in everyday life...it is merely a mental fixation.

In 2011, I took the first step and travelled to Minneapolis for a hair transplant consultation.  They talked to me and explained the procedure and took pictures showing my level of hair loss.  There is a classification system they use--I was a level two.  As ridiculous as this sounds, I was pleased I was not a level 3 or 4--like I had something to do with it.  They check the donor site and see if you are a good candidate.  Good news, I was.

You can see the crown area
is where I am really thinning.

These pictures show the area they wanted to work on (crown and frontal line), my donor site and the classification grid.  You will see on the grid it shows I would need somewhere between 600-1600 grafts per area. They did tell me I was an excellent candidate as the hair in the back of my head is relatively thick.  Again, that made me happy. Maybe I should have just grown it long and done a Donald Trump comb over from the back of my head. HA HA.



 


So this is classification two.  Three and four are thinning farther down the sides
and completely bald patches.  This is rare for women.

The frontal hairline is what has always bothered me the most.



You can see how much thicker and fuller the hair is
on the back of my head.  This is why they said it was a good
donor site.

I had this consultation over 15 months ago.  I finally decided to have the procedure on Jan 11, 2013.  It was a very interesting experience to say the least!

 

I arrived at the facility at 8:45 a.m. A friend took me as we were not sure how I would feel when the procedure was over.  It is considered minor surgery. I met with the doctor and he looked over my scalp and then they took blood pressure and gave me a Valium. Wow, that made me loopy. I said I did not want it but they said they wanted me to have it.  The first step is to numb the back of your head with about 10 Novocaine shots. Next Dr. Josephitus (referred to as Dr. Joe) cut a strip about 1/2" wide from ear to ear. It is not a straight cut as he traces it where the hair is the most dense. This is actually the most painful part of the recovery.  I have an incision from ear to ear closed with 50 plus stitches.  Part of the incision is shown in this picture. Four days later, it still is painful at times. The incision will be invisible to everyone else, as the hair above it covers it...so you cannot see the scar once it heals. The stitches are dissolvable.

 

 

 

It is an odd felling when your head is numb but you can hear them tearing a strip of your scalp off. At this point 3 assistants take pieces of the scalp and remove each hair shaft.  Each one is called a graft. Grafts can contain from 1 to 4 hairs.  It was determined that I would have 1800 grafts.  They actually harvested 1943 so I ended up getting them all put in (I only had to pay for the 1800). The harvesting of the grafts took about 3 hours total. While they were doing this, Dr. Joe took a surgical tool and placed 1800 small holes in my scalp.  I was numbed of course (three times).  The Dr. looks at how your hair grows and what angle it comes out of your head and then creates the holes to mimic this same pattern. Later he added 143 more holes based on the increased harvest. It took him about 30 minutes to do this.  Then one of the assistants placed the grafts into the holes--one by one.  This took about three hours.  At times, two of them were doing it simultaneously.  I watched a movie, listened to music, took a brief nap and socialized with the staff.  Many of them were from Chicago.  There is an office in the Gold Coast area, so we talked about all things Chicago. They fly in weekly to help in the Minneapolis office.  In regard to placement, grafts with single hairs (there were 150 of them roughly) are placed at the front line and in the widows peak area as it looks most natural this way. Grafts with multiple hairs are used in the crown area as they add density. Here is the pic of my scalp the next day after I was able to take a shower. You can see the redness and the small little holes...don't count them but there are 1943! I am not allowed to use any hair products or curl my hair or use any heat for 2 weeks.  So, I will be wearing a scarf to work for awhile.

 

 

It has been 4 days since the procedure and things are progressing nicely.  One thing I did not expect was swelling in the nose and eyes.  Apparently, the trauma to the head can cause swelling and instead of swelling in my forehead...gravity took mine to the eye area.  In these pics you can see my nose is enormous and my eyes look like I took a few punches from Rocky Balboa!

 



 

So what happens next?  This is not a process for the impatient.  It takes about 6 months to see the hair actually grow.  The good news is, the hair at the back of the head is genetically programmed to never fall out (hence many men are completely bald on top and have hair in the back).  With this said, once this hair grows, it will be there forever.  It is a 100% guarantee that it will grow or they redo it.  Since it is your own hair, there is no chance of rejection. If your hair is healthy and your scalp is healthy, it will grow.  I will never have thick hair.  I have to be realistic.  A normal inch of scalp has 1000 hairs.  I had maybe 4000 hairs added to an area 6"x5".  However, it should be enough for no-one to notice and to pull it back if I want.  This is the reason we focused mostly on the front area.  I wanted greater density there.  I could have another transplant later.  Many people do...to add density.  I doubt I will as it is very expensive and I am confident this will give me what I need.

 

At this point my scalp is healing and itchy!  I cannot scratch it of course.  In about 3 days the scabs will start to fall off.  Then in about 2 weeks the little hairs they implanted will all fall out.  This is normal.  They go into a dormancy phase for about 2 months and then start to grow.  At first they come in as wispy clear hairs like on a baby and then get color and thicken over time.  You cannot see the full result until about 12 months to 18 months.  But at 6 months I should have a good indication of what it will look like. Each person is different.  The other issue is shock loss.  This is when the hair you have basically freaks out by the trauma to the scalp from all the cuts and falls out (in the transplant areas).  This hair will grow back like the rest--but 3 months down the road.  In men, this happens only 15% of the time.  In women, 40%.  You can lose it all...but on average most lose about 30% of what they have.  I had a chat with my hairs ahead of time and told them this was unacceptable.  We will see if they listen.  HA.  Some women wear wigs during this phase so no-one knows.  Well, after this blog, my secret is out...so I will just wear scarves and explain to people I do not have cancer.  For a few months I can handle it.  I am confident that this will be well worth it and the boost to my ego will outweigh the drama of people knowing I had this surgery.  I will keep you posted and once it grows in show pictures of what it looks like. No-one will ever be able to tell I had the surgery...it will just be my own hair.  Until then, I need to go shopping for some scarves to match every outfit I have.  Ahhh shucks...an opportunity to shop :)





Why not me?

Recently, I decided I wanted to put up an inspirational quote on my refrigerator to remind me to stay on track on my weight loss journey. The only quote I could think of was Einstein's definition of insanity..."doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results".  Ahhh, I love that quote but I wanted something more upbeat. So I did what any normal American would do, I googled it.  Do you know there are a multitude of cites specifically dedicated to weight loss inspiration.  One site offered 400 quotes.  I randomly read through them and discovered that many are applicable to far more than weight loss or getting healthy.  After reading for some time, I have narrowed it down to three and then added one of my own at the end.

Julius Erving: If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end.

I love this one.  A friend and I were recently talking and we shared how we have "snuck" food at some point in our life. We both laughed because it is not about "getting caught"...your body knows.  Just because I hide the fact that I ate 1/2 a pizza to you does not equate with the scale being kind to me on Tuesday mornings.  You can't lie to yourself.  So this quote is very fitting.  If I chose not to get healthy the only one I am hurting is ME.  "'If you don't do what's best for your body, you're the one who comes up on the short end."

Unknown Author: You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.

Again, this quote really hit home.  So often I here people say...well this happened and then that happened and that is why I made bad choices.  You know what, bad things happen.  We make mistakes.  We make bad choices.  But when I make a bad choice or I go a week without working out, I face a fork in the road.  Do I stay there, stuck doing nothing or do I say, ok I'm done with that and move forward.  "You don't drown in falling water.  You drown by staying there"

Philippians 4:13: I can do all things through HIM who strengthens me.

God has blessed me so abundantly. I need to treat the life he gave me with respect. And I know I can do anything I put my mind too...I have Christ in my corner. How joyous is that!
    
Marybeth Doud:  Why not me?

Notice this is not "why me?". When people ask "why me" they are negating any responsibility for their life.  They are assuming they have no control.  They are feeling bad that something happened to them.  "Why NOT me?" is positive and affirming.  Basically asking, "if they can do it, why can't I?"  I CAN achieve the same success that others have.  There are people everyday who have great health and wellness achievements.  We read stories of people who've lost 100 lbs.  We see them on the Biggest Loser and on Dr Oz. There are success stories all around us. At some point every one of those people were just starting their journey--just like I did nearly 3 months ago. We all see their end result and cannot imagine what it would be like to have the same success.  What we need to see is how they started. They are no different then you or I.  That had a goal.  A life changing goal.  Too often feelings of doubt creep in our minds and the task seems monumental. They faced the same challenge...but they overcame. They persevered. So I ask, Why not me?

uh oh...i have caught the supplement bug...

YAHOO!  i lost another 3.5 lbs at weigh in.  That makes 27.5 total in 9 weeks.  I still have a long road ahead but making progress.  Small steps can often lead to big changes. I have to admit it has been pretty easy thus far. Have I craved food of course, but not too frequently.  I do not think I am or was really addicted to food...I just ate poorly. Still do; but smaller portions ha ha ha.  Now I read labels and make choices as to what are better options.  I still fill most of my diet with carbs--and I always will--but the pounds have been coming off fairly easily. I did start taking two recommended dietary supplements Dr. Oz suggested. I think if you took everything he suggested you would a) be broke and b) have to take a pill about every minute.  But a few intrigued me.  I did verify that neither was synthetic or bad (like speed causing jitters and such) One is called green coffee bean extract, apparently comes from a coffee bean in its purest form (a little caffeine but not much...less than coffee) and l-carnitine. L-carnitine is an amino acid we already have in our bodies naturally--this just give us more. Both are supposed to help with metabolism.  The second says it helps not only metabolically but also could curb your appetite. Supposed to take it twice a day...I of course can never follow instructions and decided that is too much...so I take it just once in the morning.  If you say "stop" I go.  If you say "don't walk on the grass"I have to touch it.  If the Principal says "do not look at the solar eclipse directly" I will stare at it the entire way home.  Why? because I think I know better or curiosity kills me. HA. So if you say take it twice...I will take it once.  I have never tried supplements as I feared they would be bad for my heart (I have prolonged q.t.--condition I was born with and CANNOT take any weight loss pills or drugs that increase your heart rate...most do)  I also do not like taking meds.  I fight taking my heart medicine and I do not even own aspirin or pain relievers.  I just do not like taking medication. In this case, I was bamboozled by the promises of Dr. Oz.   I researched them in medical journals and felt good about them.  The challenge is knowing if they are working. I would say the weight is coming off easily (not super fast but steadily) and I am not that hungry. However, I cannot say with any certainty the pills have helped.  Simultaneously I have increased my activity level and cut my calories.  My gut tells me I would be losing about the same amount of weight without the supplements.   But I think the pills may help curb my appetite which is why it seems easy AND I am curious if in an odd way they have helped my cholesterol.  I dropped 36 points but did not start changing my eating habits until 6 weeks prior.  Can it improve that quickly just by a diet change?  maybe it can. I am not a medical expert. But, I do know this-- I am not stopping the supplements as whatever I am doing is working...so I will stay the course.  for now...     I appreciate all of your support on my journey.  I have received feedback on facebook and knowing you are in my corner rooting me on gives me the strength to keep focusing on my health.  THANK YOU!  God Bless you all...

The numbers don't lie...do they?

I am coming off a women's weekend get-away with my family and I am not thrilled at the prospect of weighing in tomorrow.  I am almost certain I will gain a few pounds. I did walk everyday in the hills, so even if I was not eating great...I made some healthy choices.  With that said, there was some good news today! We had wellness checks at work today.  Last year, my cholesterol was about 215.  I followed up with my doctor and was told while it is elevated...there was not need for extreme worry or meds.  They only consider medicating above 240.  For most of the year I just paid little attention to cholesterol.  However, as you know, I have been quite serious about getting healthy since the end of August and I am happy to report my cholesterol today was 180.  HUGE improvement!  I guess the experts are right...exercise and better eating can make a difference. Woohoo.  I actually asked the nurse..."are ya sure you used my blood?" She laughed.  The goal is to remain under 200 so I was pleased to be well under.  Blood sugars were 85 and blood pressure was 116/78.  So aside from being morbidly obese, I am in relative good health.  Ha ha ha.   I would have to say I am quite lucky as many people my weight and age could suffer from diabetes, sores knees, sleep apnea, etc.  I have been blessed that to my knowledge, this weight has not caused me any major damage. I think this has more to do with genetics than anything.  I also think it may have to do with the fact that obese or not, I have always been very active.  So this high cholesterol thing has been weighing in the back of my mind and I was thrilled when I saw I dropped 36 points.  As far as my health, I have a lot of weight to lose but I definitely feel today's wellness numbers were a strong indication that I am on the right track.  Whew....i feel like i have dodged a bullet.  Thank you Lord for letting me see the error of my ways before it was too late. I promise to treat my body with honor and respect. It is a wonderful gift you gave me and how selfish of me to abuse it for so long. I may never be perfect but I will try to make better choices and better decisions.

Please don't tell me "i look good..."

This week's weigh in 4.5 lbs.  I'm happy with that after only 1 last week.  I still need to work out more but I am HAPPY with the progress. Now on to more pressing issues. I have a question for all of may followers (yes, all 1 of you lol)  Is it rude when people say "you look good" when you are losing weight?  It is an interesting concept to me.  Ok I am losing weight to be healthier--don't want knee or hip issues or diabetes as I age.  And I would like to get married and I think men like thinner women...so it is a marriage strategy (as I am serious when I say that). Some women and men obviously lose to "look better" or feel better about themselves.  I am a rare breed who feels good about myself no matter what my weight and I still look in the mirror and think I'm cute (yes, apparently I am vain and/or blind lol).   So when I hear people say "I can tell you've lost weight and you look good" I get a little offended. Granted I have not really lost much in the scheme of things...but I hear people say this to others all the time. And I see it on tv on the talk shows....wow you look great.  Maybe the person looked great before.  I think it is rude. For those of us with high self-esteem who want to lose just to be healthier maybe a compliment like..."good for you I know its hard work"  or  "way to be healthier" would be a more fitting compliment. Just a thought.  The other day someone said to me "i can tell you lost weight you're looking good" wanna know how I replied..."thanks, but I always looked good!"  And yes...I understand that may have sounded rude too--but I meant it and said it nicely and then explained why I said it.  I do not believe fat is beautiful.  And I do not believe in those groups that promote fat as "ok".  Listen. Fat is unhealthy.  Being too thin is unhealthy.  Being the perfect weight does not equate with beauty either.  Beauty is who you are on the inside.  Beauty is how you treat people. Beauty is all around us--even in life's imperfections beauty can be found.  Yes, I agree being fat is not ok as far as your health is concerned--like anything in excess..it is bad for you.  But at the same time, weight does not define you and you can practice unhealthy behaviors and still be and feel beautiful.  So in the future, when I lose more weight please do not tell me "i look good". I appreciate you noticing that my hard work is paying off and that I look healthier...so tell me that instead.